This is not how I usually start my posts, and this post is not like the others. It is a letter straight from my heart to share something so special that happened to me just last week.
I had a big breakthrough. A really big one.
I just released the story that I kept in my heart that told me I had to play small.
No, not just play small, my story told me that I had to FAIL.
After years of inner work, this time I was privileged to see this hidden aspect of myself. This story showed me with my nose pressed up against the window, outside looking in.
Part of me always knew she was there, just hidden from view. This time, I saw her. Like a sentinel on permanent guard duty. Whatever the circumstances, she maneuvered herself into position, nose pressed against glass.
My family accepted me that way. They were fond of the ditzy gal who didn’t have her feet on the ground. Sure, they criticized her, but they liked her that way. She had a place in the family.
Big dreams, happy dreams, the creative dreams to which my soul had a natural affinity – they were knocked down. There was no place for that girl in my family.
I got the message. I shaped myself into position, outside, looking in. I needed the love. (I convinced myself it was love.)
You would laugh if you knew how many times I deliberately made myself look bad! At the same time, I’d wonder – “Why am I doing this?”
On a conscious level, I was trying my darnedest to succeed, and dear sentry girl would make sure it wouldn’t happen. It was like throwing myself at a brick wall. Painful. Bruising. Exhausting.
I don’t have to do that anymore.
Can you imagine how good that feels?
Last week was the best week of my life (and I’ve had some really good ones)! I am reborn.
The world is now open to me. No more nose against the window – it’s open doors all the way!
That little sentry girl will have to find another job to do.
Perhaps lying beneath a tree watching the leaves shimmer in the sun.
Maybe making new friends.
Maybe enjoying all the success she fended off for so long!
And all the dreams I deferred for so long? They’re still here for me, as fresh and as new as they ever were.
Ah! Life is good.
I am so grateful for the spark within that kept me searching for answers, for the work I’ve done, for the help I’ve received, and for this miraculous breakthrough that has taken place.
I’m grateful for all the good that is, and all the good that is still to come.
Did you enjoy this post? I‘d love to read your comments, below.
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