This is a follow up to last week’s post, “I’ve Been Hiding Something From You!”
That post received a lot of feedback. It was lovely to see so many of you cheer on the process of ‘walking through’ the fear to other side, where freedom lies.
Not only do I advocate ‘walking through’ the pain as a therapeutic approach to any type of trauma, the lovely part is that it actually worked for me. ‘Outing myself’ and facing my fear and shame helped me release it in a big way.
Since then, I have experienced a surge in energy and joy. I am more comfortable in my skin, I feel relaxed in the consultations I’ve been doing- even letting my goofy humor shine through – and I am peaceful in the knowledge that all is happening in the right time and in the right way.
Wonderful! Physician heal thyself! The medicine I prescribe works! As a person, I feel healed. As a coach, I am enriched: I’ve been there, and I know a way out.
The issue I faced was not precisely a lack of confidence. It was more an issue of an internal split: one part of me felt confident (I studied 30 years with a spiritual master, I have humor, compassion, passion, intelligence, and a wealth of professional and personal experience to offer my clients); while an entirely different part of me entirely felt insecurity, shame, and fear.
Like a concert pianist with stage fright, the issue is not whether he knows how to play. The issue is whether the scared part of him will allow him to do what he knows how to do.
It won’t help him for others to tell him: “Oh, but you play really well!” You can be sure if that concert pianist looks within, there would be a little child inside – just as there was inside me – and that little child feels afraid and ashamed, and that part of him won’t allow him to perform, no matter how skilled or accomplished he may be.
It is not at all a question of what we are, it is a question of what we allow ourselves to be.
We have a chorus of different voices inside us. Marilyn Graman calls them our ‘committee members.’ One part may be a wise soul, another part may be a scared little girl. One part wants to perform at Carnegie Hall, another part will not let that occur until the issue gets resolved. Attention must be paid.
This inner work is important stuff! It can make or break a career, and it can profoundly impact a life.
Like a golfer with the ‘yips’…
Some part of the golfer won’t allow the golf club to swing true in tournament, no matter how well the player plays on her own time.
Like a beautiful woman who does not know her own beauty…
She may feel that she has to look a certain way. She may want to fit in, or she may think she has to be something that she is not. In a sense, she is holding up a mask for the world to see, not (yet) understanding that the mask hides her true beauty, which is far greater than the mask could ever be.
The more we can stop pretending to be something that we are not, the more we can be our authentic selves.
The more we can release shame and fear, the more we can allow our talents and gifts to flow.
When the concert pianist faces his fear, and walks through the pain, he will no longer be afraid of the negative judgment of the audience – which was actually his own inner negative judgment of himself, projected onto the imagined audience.
Once he walks through his fear to the other side, then he can play for his audience. Free of his imagined projection of the audience, he can play with his audience. He can enjoy the exchange of energy, and he can share the music with them. Their energy joins with his in creating the music that flows through him.
His past was a world of silence, shame, and pain. The present is a world of energy, joy, life, and beauty.
I was afraid to admit to being a beginner. I thought I had to pretend to be more experienced thank I was. I wanted to run from the vulnerability of not having all the answers.
Since I faced my fear and shame about being a beginner, a remarkable transformation has occurred. Not only did I receive the love and encouragement from all you blessed, generous souls, I started to APPRECIATE and LOVE being a beginner.
Beginnings are a time of openness and discovery.
Now, I want to keep the beginner’s eyes and ears with me and wide open throughout the rest of my career, to keep learning from my clients, and being open to receiving the answers we both need to hear.
Do you have conflicting ‘committee members’ that want different things of you?
Is there an area in your life in which you wish you could allow your talent to flow more easily?
I’d love to read your comments, below!
A great place to engage with me is in my Facebook group, Leaders in Self-Love.