You’ve heard it before. It’s a truism, almost a cliche . . .
- You help others find a way out of their sticky situations, but can’t seem to find the way out of your own.
- You get all sorts of things done for OTHER PEOPLE, yet tackling your own to do list finds you doing anything but what’s on your list.
- You give, give, give, yet when it comes to your own projects, you’re just too darn spent.
This is no accident. Our culture trains us to find our self-validation outside ourselves. In school, we chase a grade or a gold star, rather than follow our interest. At work, our ability to meet others’ goals and deadlines is what counts. Socially, we women, especially, are directed to consider and tend to others’ needs before our own.
There is no blame here. We are all part of this culture, part of this system. Nonetheless, there must be awareness. And, if we wish ever to satisfy our deepest heart-goals, there can and must be a rebalancing of this outward-directed paradigm.
Every step in the shift from outer to inner goals is, at its heart, an step towards greater self-love.
My beloved teacher, Shanta, of blessed memory, who I studied with for many years, once did a demonstration of the idea of “My cup runneth over” for our class. It showed the essential beauty and purpose of tending to your own needs first. I included it in my bestselling journal, Imagine Self-Love (page 79). With love, I share it with you here:
In your kitchen sink, place a large platter. On top of that, place a dinner plate. On top of that, a lunch plate, and on top of that, a saucer. Next, place a soup bowl, and, finally, on top of that, a cup.
Next, take a pitcher of water, and begin pouring only into the cup. Notice how as the cup overflows, it spills over into the bowl, and from there it cascades into the saucer, and from there to the lunch plate, etc.
You are the cup. If you start by pouring water into the platter, it will never reach the cup. Yet when you fill the cup, your cup will run over, and bring goodness to all the people in your life, overflowing from you to your family, to your friends, to your community, to your city, to your state, to your country, to the whole world.
Fill your cup!
I encourage you to get up and actually do this one. You may eventually forget these words, but you will never forget seeing with your own eyes how the water that is poured into your own cup overflows and fills everything around it.
One fascinating aspect of this demonstration is how it illustrates our relationship with ourselves. We are, in a sense, both the hand pouring the water, and the hand holding the cup receiving the water.
In other words, we are in a relationship with ourselves.
There is a mysterious and wonderful duality here. This unexpected duality within us can help us as solopreneurs: we can treat ourselves as an ‘other,’ yet an other who is in the closest, most intimate relationship possible with ourselves.
As such, we can prioritize ourselves the same way we would have formerly prioritized others’ needs, requests and demands. We can cater to ourselves as clients, elevate ourselves as bosses, and honor ourselves as a partner.
We can work for our own success.
This sounds so obvious, yet, in practice, this is exactly where so many solopreneurs get hung up. We get hung up, too tired, distracted. We find any excuse to fill everyone’s cups but our own!
Self-love and the solopreneur means making a real commitment to our own goals, needs and desires.
In a practical sense, this means . . .
- Carving out time for the tasks you need to do in order to move your business forward.
- Committing to your goals without allowing excuses to derail your efforts.
- Reaching out and asking for the assistance you need.
- Honing your awareness so you begin to recognize whether you’re filling your cup – or not!
- Knowing your ‘why’ so that you feel whole-hearted in serving your goals and needs as a solopreneur.
- Believing in yourself enough to self-prioritize, and support that with decisions and boundaries around the best use of your time.
As we see in Shanta’s beautiful demonstration, self-love touches every aspect of your life and has a profound impact on everything you touch, directly and indirectly. Indeed, as we see the water overflowing, we can see how your relationship with the self touches everything, reverberating to infinity.
Make it a loving touch.
There is no more important topic than self-love.
Understanding the connection between self-love and the solopreneur is the most important business move you can make.
Of course, self-love informs everything we do, not just business. It colors our health, relationships, and happiness. Business is just one opportunity to see a reflection of our core beliefs in action – but it’s a doozy! For solopreneurs, tackling the issue of self-love head-on – which affects how we support ourselves (financially, physically, emotionally) – touches us where we live.
When we master this area, the gifts are substantial. Yet, the truest gifts of our enterprises may just be the self-loving lessons we learn along the way. Our relationship with the self is a jewel beyond compare.
Want help accessing this precious jewel of self-love within?
This is your invitation to join me in a monthly Self-Love Circle for only $2 for your first month.
We meet online every 2nd Tuesday of the month at 12noon, ET. (If you can’t make the meeting live, replays are shared on the group’s Private Bulletin Board for the entire month.)
Very Special Offer: just $2 to join your first month – cancel anytime: https://www.atozhealingspace.com/circle-self-love-with-reba-linker/
We can take courses galore, and invest thousands in coaching, yet our core beliefs will override any training. Address the heart of the matter – your self-love. Schedule your pay-what-you-wish 30-minute healing session: http://rebalinker.com/life-coaching/100-healings-devotional-project/